My Own Medicine

I'm not sure where we heard that in addition to making your child apologize to someone they've hurt, they should also ask forgiveness.  But we heard it, and I have been making an attempt to enforce it, especially the boys with each other (since they wrong each other the most).  Besides, it's really cute to see Jack apologize and ask forgiveness, given that he can't really talk a whole lot yet -- it mostly involves some grumbling and a hug.  Last night, while I was up in the wee hours with Charley, I was tasting a bit of my own medicine....

Dar has a busy week ahead.  He is going on a "Wild At Heart" retreat Friday and Saturday, will be home with us Sunday, travels for work Monday through Wednesday, and then he and Abe have a Boy Scout camping trip Friday through Sunday.  Charley hasn't been sleeping well at all, and so mostly what goes through my mind (in addition to the fact that I really like Dar and miss him heaps when he is gone for any length of time) is that the next ten days are bound to be exhausting for me.  I am blessed to have a fantastic husband who is so good to me and is the most involved Dad I've ever known.  He is just awesome.  And while I absolutely love that about him, it makes it doubly hard when he's gone.  Because in addition to my workload increasing, the boys adore him and anxiously await his arrival home from work.  So, I'll have to console them while they settle for just me.  Regardless of my whining, last night I was realizing that while I told Dar he should go on the work trip (it's not absolutely necessary that he go, but it's something he would like to do), I've been making little comments ever since to make him feel guilty.  And so I realized that I need to apologize, and -- wait for it -- ask for forgiveness.

That makes it a lot tougher to swallow.  I've been trying to figure out why.  I think it's because sometimes I feel like the bigger person when I say "I'm sorry," and I am usually expecting a reciprocal apology.  I don't think I've realized how much asking forgiveness makes you feel more accountable for your actions.  You can't just say "sorry" and move along.  You are putting yourself out there and waiting for a response.  Ugh.

So, I did it.  Over email (yes, wimpy).  I think Dar was more shocked than anything (not at my apology, but at the thought that it was an issue).  He graciously forgave me, and I've been keeping my comments to myself.  I've had enough medicine for one week.  :)