Getting Real

So, I have a tendency to post the highlights of our life on this blog.... and even those slip through the cracks.  I might post some of the "tough" stuff -- if it's funny.  But since I am hoping to eventually print this so the kids can look at it when they're older, I want to insert a bit of reality.  And that reality is this: kids are tough!  Life is tough.  It gets busy, it feels overwhelming, and I have a tendency to feel that I am doing a ton of things at once and not doing any of them well. 

Yesterday was a classic example.  It was not a typical day, in that usually Mom comes here to watch the boys, but it does showcase the chaos that is our life right now.  Aunt Doris had asked Mom and the boys to come down and visit while I was teaching.  It was a great idea, and they had an awesome time.  But this is what the day looked like:

--Up at 6, after being up repeatedly with Charley throughout the night
--Jack woke up at 6:30, crying and grumpy (not his norm)
--Carried both boys down to the kitchen (this is part of my not wanting Jack to feel like he got pushed out of being a baby -- I like to carry him down and cuddle him first thing in the morning), got breakfast for all three boys, got Dar some coffee while feeding Charley, switched the laundry, attempted to pack the diaper bag for the day, continued feeding Charley, grabbed some cereal and coffee while feeding Charley and getting Jack to finish his breakfast.....
--Headed upstairs, spent five minutes compromising with Abe on what he was going to wear, picked out clothes for Jack and Charley (had to dig through the summer rubbermaid for shorts to wear in October), got in the shower, listened to Charley cry and the boys fight over the stepstool while I showered, got out, changed diapers and got the two little guys dressed, got myself dressed, got myself redressed, nursed Charley, dried my hair while holding Charley and reading to Jack, watched helplessly as Jack sweetly rubbed some lotion into my hair, supervised and repeatedly checked the two backpacks that were being packed by Abe, changed a messy diaper....
--Escorted all three boys out to the car, got Charley buckled, took three loads of STUFF out to the car for the 8 hours we would be gone, came back in to get milk for the boys, came back in to get Jack's and Charley's blankets, dug through the back of the pilot to find the dvd player, hooked it up, realized it was the wrong one, hooked the right one up, backed out of the garage, ran back into the house to get one more thing, then finally drove to pick up Mom....
--Listened to Charley cry for 15 minutes until he fell asleep, listened to Jack and Abe fight over which movie to watch (in Abe's defense, Jack has never watched more than ten minutes of anything, until this week when he wants to watch "Toy Story" over and over and over), picked Mom up, opened fruit snacks, refereed, arrived at Aunt Doris's
--Unbuckled kids and carried Charley in, carried in three loads of STUFF, nursed Charley, repeated instructions for Charley three times to two ladies who were too busy chatting to be bothered by silly routines, got asked repeatedly by Abe when I would be leaving, carried down three loads of toys for the boys, changed diapers, got in the car
--Realized I forgot to pack a lunch, drove to the last half hour to Macomb, went through Taco Bell, scarfed my lunch in the remaining four minute drive to school, ran into the building -- five minutes late for office hours, printed some stuff, made some copies, dashed to the restroom, talked to my department chair for five minutes, and ran to class.  Taught back to back classes, met with a student after class, grabbed my stuff, got in the car
--Drove to Aunt Doris's, spent 20 minutes trying to pick up some of the mess created, gathered miscellaneous items of ours that were spread throughout the house, broke the news to Abe that he would only get to play with Grace for 20 minutes, changed Jack, greeted cousins, greeted neighbors, strapped Charley in, persuaded Myrtle and the boys to get in the car, listened to Charley cry for 20 minutes, went through McDonalds to get dinner for the boys (because I was running late and wouldn't have time to make anything before Boy Scouts), dropped Mom off, listened to Charley and Jack fuss for the remaining 20 minutes home, gathered belongings, got Jack and Charley inside
--Abe and Dar dashed off to Tiger Scouts, I tried to feed a very tired Charley, then nursed a very tired  Charley while entertaining a very tired Jack, got Charley into bed, read stories with Jack, got Jack ready for bed, and then spent 30 minutes convincing Jack to go to sleep without Abe home.  Changed the laundry, crawled into bed, attempted to grade an enormous stack of papers (of which I was not very successful), read a chapter for my bible study tomorrow night, got ready for bed, slept for an hour before Charley woke up hungry. 
--Repeat.

I'm not complaining, truly.  And I am so blessed to have great kids (who were just a little off yesterday), a wonderful Mom and Aunt who love my kids and take amazing care of them, and the best husband ever.  I know so many people have much tougher days, day after day.  But for me, yesterday was a long day.  And when I crawled into bed last night, I just didn't feel like I did anything well.

I wish that I was a more patient Mom, that I was a more attentive wife (poor Dar), that I was a better housekeeper and cook, that I was better at organization and finances, that I was a more prepared teacher (at WIU), that I felt like I was better at getting Abe's school work finished before Dar gets home from work and that I had more time to plan fun and cool stuff, that I had more time to read and study the bible (instead of just scrambling to get my lessons finished in time), that I had time for all of the projects that need doing, that I had more time and energy for my friends, that I did a better job documenting our lives on this blog, etc.  The list goes on and on.  I know it's a lot.  And I know I've chosen it all.  I am so grateful for all of it -- especially my family.  I just wish I had a cape.